Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
