Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
