woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I want a musical about memes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
