If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
