Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
