It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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