All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
