and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
