So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
