i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
