There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
