lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
