a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
