Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
