i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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