She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
