The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
