my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
