At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
