Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
