I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
