My room smells like vodka and shame
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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