she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
