I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
