are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
