just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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