Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
