Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
