I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
