Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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