Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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