I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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