oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
