I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize