smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize