Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize