hell yes lets make some ravioli
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
