you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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