I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
