Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
