i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
