2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
