I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
