Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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