Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
