she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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