Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
