butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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