gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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