OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
