i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize