The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize