my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
