he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
