Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
