She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize