Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
