we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is Oprah even human
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
