I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
