She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So squirting runs in the family.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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