one two three fourrrrnication!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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