My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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