i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize