Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize