I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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