Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
