i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize