dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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